Episode 3: Spoilers Ahead

"Good. Twice the pride, double the fall. I have looked forward to this, Skywalker."

That's it. That's the only line I can remember from Episode 3. Count Dooku, played by Christopher Lee, says this to Anakin early on in the film with such malovelence and foreboding that shortly thereafter, he gets his head cut off.

It's as if George Lucas realized, to his horror, that one of his actors was (gasp) acting; something specifically forbidden in any of the 3 prequels. He must have lept out of his director's chair shouting 'KILL HIM! KILL HIM BEFORE HE INFECTS THE OTHERS!' Lee's delivery of that line is one of two moments in this film that remind you how epic Star Wars can be. The other moment is the enormous space battle which occurs just before Lee's head is removed for daring to upstage the post-production.

It's all downhill after that. There's a subplot about saving the Wookie homeworld which makes absolutely no sense and reinforces my belief that Episode 1, 2 and 3 should be collectively retitled 'Star Wars: Non-Sequitur Theatre. The Jedi Council, while discussing how well the war is going, decides to send a battalion of clone troppers to save the Wookie homeworld. The scene went something like this.

Giant Headed Jedi: The war is going well.

Mace Windu: Yes.

Yoda: Indeed.

Random Tentacled Jedi: The Wookies are in danger.

Giant Headed Jedi: I like Wookies. They make funny noises. Graawwrorr!

Yoda: Graawroour!

Obi-Wan: Wookies rule! Grarrroowr!

Mace Windu: It's agreed. We'll send a battalion of clone troops to save the Wookies because who doesn't love Wookies? Graaoowr!

Anakin's switch to the darkside is incredibly abrupt. He's concerned that his wife, Padme, will die in child birth. He is lured to the darkside by a desire to prevent her death. His transition from Jedi to Sith goes something like this.

Anakin: Oh what have I done! I slaughtered countless sand people, I decapitated Count Dooku and I just had a hand in throwing Mace Windu to his certain doom! I'm a horrible monster and I beg for death! All I wanted to do was prevent Padme from dying in childbirth! Oh I'm so conflicted and angsty!

Palpatine: So, you wanna cut down all the jedi children, help me overthrow the Jedi Council and save your wife from death during childbirth?

Anakin: Palpatine, you had me at hello. Also, I'm worried that Padme will die during childbirth.

Padme is, of course, the Senator from Naboo who was appointed Senator by a democratically elected queen. Padme's daughter, Leia Organa, will become Princess of Alderaan despite being adopted by Senator Jimmy Smits and despite clearly not being the daughter of a current King or Queen.

I could go on and on so I will conclude with this thought. Christopher Lee gives the best performance of the film and is cut down within 30 seconds of doing so. Natalie Portman, who we all know can act, gives a wooden performance, is force choked but is allowed to live until her children are born and while Hayden Christensen gets his legs cut off and is burned nearly to death by lava for his poor rendition as Anakin Skywalker, he still gets to become the Galaxy's number one badass: Darth Vader.

There is no justice in this world.